The cure for what ailed me.

I had a grumptastic day yesterday. A pair of loungetastic pants that I loved have gone missing, so as part of my fruitless hunt for them I decided I should go through the items in my dresser to see what still fit.

Ooooooh, mercy, it was a bit brutal. I've gained a bit of weight over the last few months, enough to bump me up a size or so, and as I chucked pants and shorts and skirts into a Hefty (hurr) bag, I got crabbier and crabbier, plannier and plannier about all the different ways I needed (NEEDED) to get rid of these damnable pounds that have crept up on me. Never mind that 95 percent of the items I was tossing were items that I haven't worn in literally years and had no immediate plans to wear, they were SIGNS, FABRIC SIGNS OF MY HIDEOUSNESS AND SLOTH.

So I grumped and muttered and ventilated into the ear of my gentlemanfriend (who I'm just going to call Mr. Blasphemies because it's easier than conjuring up new ways to avoid saying "boyfriend" because I'm 38, for Christ sake) for a while, knowing that the next day (or "today", if you will) I would be shopping with my sister who has lost 70 pounds and can't get through a conversation without making mention of it and that's not the kind of shit you want to hear when you're having a bad body day. But I hoped that perhaps a decent shopping excursion might perk me up. Not any random shopping, though - the only cure for what ailed me would be a jaunt to Vive La Femme in Chicago's Bucktown neighborhood.

Now, I hate shopping for clothes. My taste in clothing is generally not what is sold by Lane Bryant or Torrid (well, not anymore *HEAVY SIGH*), and I'm small-boobed and big-bellied - hard to find things I find to be flattering or, hell, comfortable for me. So I avoid shopping for clothes as often as possible, preferring to shop online or making twice a year treks to Lane Bryant to find something that I don't completely hate. But shopping at Vive La Femme is such an antidote to my shopping loathery. Owner Stephanie Sack is a force of friggin' nature, a character of characters, who will spend all the time you need picking out pieces she thinks will work on you and encourages you to try things that you might never try on your own. If you're in the general Chicago area, it is so worth the trip (and the hunt for street parking) because I walked out today feeling like a million bucks and then some - and let me reiterate, I. hate. clothes. shopping.

Added bonus - she's got some pieces from Lucie Lu in store, so I was able to try on and walk out with this dress - Marianne from The Rotund was definitely right - this dress is HELLO BOOBY, so I'll be throwing a tank top underneath this. Speaking of Lucie Lu, I ordered this dress a couple weeks ago and a) it looks really cute on me and b) I got it in, like, 30 seconds. Seriously, I think I ordered on a Thursday and got it on a Saturday. So thus far, my experiences with Lucie Lu have been quite positive. I would definitely encourage giving them a whirl.

(Notes: Vive La Femme, as well as Lucie Lu, swing into the pricey range. However, I will say that for the buck, you're getting a lot of bang and life out of clothes as compared to, say, Lane Bryant or Avenue. Also, while VLF states sizes between 12 and 24, there are plenty of things in store that would fit those of us over 24. I generally roll a 26/28 on the bottom and a 22/24 on top. Stephanie is fucking magic, I swear.) Read more on this article...

Greetings, funky retailer.

Hi, Eastern Serenity!



I suspect I landed on your catalog list due to my patronage of the cats at the Pyramid Collection. When I received your catalog, I was quite intrigued. I'm in the market to do a little holiday shopping and like to get things that are unique. I also like to support independent artists and crafters and such, so I eagerly dove into the Eastern Serenity catalog a bit ago (seriously, like, 20 minutes ago). Many very lovely handcrafted items, yes indeed. Many bags and yoga bags and decor for the home, good good. The clothing, of course, stops hard at size 14. There are a few clothing items tagged as "one size fits all", which is horseshit a good...oh, 90 percent of the time. But none of that made me raise any particular part of my eyebrow because, hey, it's not unusual. I get that. But the thing that kind of...annoyed me a bit is that you're selling these:



...and the catalog description is this: "Six yoga poses assumed by a vigorous set of life-affirming bronze statues." Okay, so far, so good, I'm feeling it. "The Rubenesque figures are bursting with energy and vitality" - yes, by gum, they certainly are! I may very well unleash some kudos, look out! " - reminding us that health and exercise aren't exclusively reserved for people who match the prevailing media images of what the human form should look like." Well, that's pretty awesome, Eastern Serenity. I like that nice little shot at mainstream media ideals, that warmed a good millimeter of my cold, dead heart. But my kudos have to be half-enthused because while you're giving me some HAES-esque lip service, you don't offer fucking clothes that I can buy and wear.

Okay, I'm sorry about the swearing, but come on. According to your catalog, "Our collection is sourced directly. We don't purchase items from wholesalers, dealers, or middlemen. We support creativity and excellence in our product selection and supplier choices. The craftsmen, designers, and artists we choose to work with are often copied by less original organizations, but we insist on purchasing from the original sources to ensure high quality workmanship and materials." So how about asking those craftspeople, designers, and artists to throw my fat ass a bone because I suspect my fat ass isn't the only fat ass that would like to drape a fat ass in something nice from your catalog. And my fat ass, thankfully, luckily, has money to put clothes on my fat ass. Money that I'd love to direct to something other than stores with names that sound like "Schmane Schmyant" or "Schmorrid".

So, in closing, Eastern Serenity, you've got some lovely (and pricey, Christ) jewelry and bags and knickknacks and whatnot, but I have to give you a big fat PFFFT in the clothing department at the present time. And no, "one size fits all" does not count.

Yours sincerely,

Jane C. Nolan
Casual Blasphemies

Read more on this article...