Thursday, December 30, 2010

A spoonful of stupid.

So I was over at Shakesville and watching a very cute video of a cute little baby kid who clearly has discovered the word "no" and, as a result, says "no!" to every question posed. "Do you want a million dollars?" "No no!" Very cute. It kicks off, however, by a commercial for (I suspect it's Dannon) Light and Fit Yogurt that is only 80 calories, people, versus that dreadful 100 calories that some OTHER bastardly yogurt is because that 20 CALORIES WILL MAKE ALL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YOUR LOSING .5 POUNDS AND ONE FULL POUND FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY

*cough* Anyway, it's the typical three ladies at a cafe table eating the LUXURIOUS and DELICIOUS sweet JESUS this could possibly HEAL THE SICK and bring PEACE to the WORLD yogurt and talking about all the magical properties it contains and how it will make their apparently dreadful lives so much better. One woman proclaims, "Here's to finding more than one outfit that fits me!" The next woman adds, "Here's to my pants not leaving marks on my waist at the end of the day!" They giggle like ladies are wont to do. "Here's to 80 calories tasting CRAZY good," the third woman says.

Okay, I've got an easy solution for them - how about finding fucking clothes that FUCKING FIT YOU? Hey, if you want to get down with some Light and Fit yogurt because it's tasty (I myself am not averse to yogurt, be it the full-metal full-fat yogurt or taking a spin with some random "light" yogurt because it can be tasty - particularly with some granola being involved), knock yourself out. But if you want to avoid those tragic marks on your waist? WEAR PANTS THAT FUCKING FIT YOU. It's remarkable how I, a fatty fat fatty fat Lady Mayoress of Fatville, is able to manage such a feat, as do many of my compatriots. You want more than one outfit that fits you? Go to the store and BUY SOME OUTFITS THAT FIT YOU. I mean, we've heard quite a lot of horseshit diet ad/diet product scripts over the years - how can you avoid it - but this one comes close to being at the top of my "COMPLETELY DEFIES LOGIC AND REASON" list. It's right up there with the "now that I'm thin, I can go to Paris!!!" crap as being "inspiration" to diet.

Well, the UNICORN POWERED YOGURT did serve me some inspiration, I guess...inspiration to want to run around my room going "AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!" for a few minutes. HEY that might BURN CALORIES and MAKE ME LOSE .0000003 OUNCES. The tip of my right index finger looks slimmer already! Read more on this article...

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Here at the end of all things.

The year 2010 is drawing rapidly to a close, which kind of blows my mind a bit because it seems like the year has raced by for me. And 2011 is looking like the kind of year that's going to zip by, too, since I'll be out of the country for a goodly chunk of February and then...who knows what other kind of tomfoolery I'll get into.

I'm a horribly lazy writer. Even when I was at my peak of writing about 900 years ago, where it was not unusual for me to spend hours merrily and furiously typing away, I'd still hunt for any reason not to sit down and write. Not much has changed...except for those blissful periods of furious typing. So I'm hoping that might change a bit in 2011. Not that it will mean more blog posts, of course. I was thinking about whether having a non-FA centric blog might spur me to write more, but I haven't devoted much more thought to it than just that sentence, pretty much. I suppose that's a decision I'll leave to the wee hours of January 1, 2011.

Since the odds are fairly slim I will update before the heady rush of Christmas and New Year's gets on a roll, I wish you the best for the remainder of 2010 and all of 2011. Read more on this article...